I don't know how to feel about this. Giving you up at this juncture would be a huge slap across your face.

I want to be there for you be it in times of joy or grief. Problems are given by Him as a sign that we should always turn back to Him for He is the one and only. With that in mind, I wish that I can help you ease your burdens. But I am nothing but an outsider. I can only extend prayers to Him, praying that He will ease those troubles.

Those tears on most nights do help to ease this aching heart; but it does nothing to solve those problems. Berapa berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Only Allah knows how pressurised you are.

I've contemplated on whether I should let go for fear that I would not be able to see you in this state.

A part of me is urging to end off things; with the selfish reason that I deserve better. However, something is holding me back. Is it love or is it the hope that I've been nurturing; the hope of taking care of you no matter the circumstances?

It would be mean of me to end off things just cos you are facing problems. You've been there for me all this while so there should be no excuse as to why I can't do the same.

I am willing to tide this period of uncertainty with you. But if you keep up with your nonchalance of not being able to face up to the problems, I can't do much.

And one more thing, it's unclear whether you are the one who loves me or you are the one who can take care of me.

I used to value the former. But now at this age, I ask myself, can you really take care of me? The problems you are facing now scare me cos it makes me uncertain about our future. I am confident with Allah's will that you'll be able to come out strong. But I can't help but wonder whether you would want to take care of me.

Love is one thing. Taking care of someone is another matter altogether.

Do you want to take care of me?