I'm upset.

Yes, I'm fully aware that whatever has happened now is all because of me.

However, why aren't you trying as hard as me to keep this going?

Oh last Saturday marked our 43rd month. I didn't even bother to mention anything about it. Cos I was hoping that you would. But alas, no.

Yes, it might be a small matter to you. You may think that remembering a monthsary isn't a biggie. It isn't the case for me.

I know that I shouldn't be treating our monthsaries and anniversaries seriously as we are not even engaged or married. Technically, this 3 years and 7 months is not even legally real.

The question I've been asking myself is; all this effort I've placed, will it be worth it? What does " worth it" even mean? Is marriage in the cards? What if we are not meant to be together? Then it would mean that the both of us have wasted 4 years nurturing love with someone that isn't even " the one". I don't deny that I always pray that one day we will build our own matrimonial home. But I can only pray and put in effort. The rest is up to Allah.

How about you? I know that this new you is caused by me. I know that your cold self is caused by my selfish act last year. I also know that whatever I do won't change anything.

I really wish that I can rewind back time. Missing you is an understatement. Yes you may be bored that I constantly say that I miss you etc. But at least I tried.

"Haha. No la. I just didn't know when to say". Is showing affection that hard for you already? Or maybe you can't revert to being the old you cos you can't forget that slap I gave you last year. And im sorry about that.

Are you even reading this?

I don't need an overly muscular man, or a superbly rich man. I just need someone who is willing to accept me as I am, flaws and all.

Your care and concern, even through little things like text messages are what I need most now.

Sometimes I wonder, if I ever were to leave you without a reason, would you fight for us? Or would you just watch me go?

Sighs. Cant you feel the love I have towards you?

Tough love. I'm willing to fight for it. Will you keep this relationship going alongside me?  ♥

WRITTEN AT 01:11 26 JUNE 2013