We turn irrational till at one point, we just lose it.

And when that happens, we have that ill feeling which doesn't disappear.

It's not as if we want it to happen, it just happens.

As much as we try to make things better, it comes to naught, because the deed's done.

Case in point:

My heart rules over my mind. I don't think calmly when I'm emotional.

I end up reaching breakpoint and start hurling unnecessary stuff.

It's not as if I want it to happen, it just happens.

My insecurities, they build up overtime.

I'm not strong emotionally, I get very hurt easily, I get jealous all the time.

One thing that everyone tells me is that I'm the 'suppressing' type.

I keep every single worry, anger, sadness inside of me.

Reason being I don't want anyone to know, I rather deal with my own feelings myself.

Once, someone told me, why are you so patient?

It's not that I'm patient, I just prefer seeing someone else happy, not me.

I have this mantra that keeps me from expressing things out.

Seeing you happy is my contentment. That's all i ask for.

Seeing you happy makes me feel happy.

It doesn't matter if I'm down or any other feeling for that matter.

I just want you to be happy, that's all.

But suppressing isn't helping right.

With tears and pain that engulfs me before I sleep, I get weaker and weaker.

I want to remain this way, try to control my feelings.

Because I know, I don't deserve to feel this way.

What I'm saying now may not make sense, but it's perfect in my mind.

To sum it all up, I just want you to be happy. That is all.
I'm happy to see you happy.
I won't say those three words or any related stuff because I don't deserve to say them,yet.
If you ever read this, I just want you to know that you've never hurt me all this while and that no matter what happens, you're the best that's ever been mine.
And that crazy feeling I had since 1.5 years ago, it still has not changed.

*hugs*